Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
