Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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