I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I have aggressive nipples.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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