Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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