we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
