Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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