I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
