Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
