Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
