tell your sister to shave her snatch
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Randomize
