I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
