I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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