scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
