Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
