I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I didn't notice because vodka
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
