Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
