you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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