Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
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he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
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I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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