one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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