I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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