i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.