I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
