its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
