I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I will pee on everything he values.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
