Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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