like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
