I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
