If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
whose ass print is on the piano?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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