I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
