she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
