U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
