aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
