this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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