I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
