dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Can you bring me the toilet please
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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