You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
