Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
