Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
