Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
