But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
