...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
