Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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