the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
