Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize