I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
