So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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