It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
