Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
