Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
