I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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