On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I know her cup size but not her name....
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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