Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
