what if every blade of grass was a penis?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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