put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
