I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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