You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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