did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
