So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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