Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
