when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
