At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize