My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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