Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
thus making me awesome and them whores
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
