How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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