Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
