remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
