I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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