Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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