if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
