We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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