My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
